‘DON’T GO ON!’ said Winston, with his eyes tightly shut. ‘Dearest! You’ve gone quite pale. What’s the matter? Do they make you feel sick?’
‘Of all horrors in the world—a rat!’
She pressed herself against him and wound her limbs round him, as though to reassure him with the warmth of her body. He did not reopen his eyes immediately. For several moments he had had the feeling of being back in a nightmare which had recurred from time to time throughout his life. It was always very much the same. He was standing in front of a wall of darkness, and on the other side of it there was something unendurable, something too dreadful to be faced. In the dream his deepest feeling was always one of self-deception, because he did in fact know what was behind the wall of darkness. With a deadly effort, like wrenching a piece out of his own brain, he could even have dragged the thing into the open. He always woke up without discovering what it was: but somehow it was connected with what Julia had been saying when he cut her short. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘it’s nothing. I don’t like rats, that’s all.’